Have You Ever Imagined God Was...

Have you ever imagined that God was a retired, 60ish, Latino man with a mustache?

I hadn't either. That was before I received a pre-natal massage from someone matching this description.

You definitely picture an Enrique Iglesias-type when you book a massage from a male masseuse, but I don't think that's usually what you find. I had to stifle a giggle when I saw who was going to be doing my massage. Chris likes to pretend that he gets jealous when I get a massage from a guy but I knew he wouldn't care about this one.

So, yes, this massage was wonderful and I will definitely be going back to this guy. Not to mention that, because of him, I felt my little one kick for the first time. (And for the first time, I was sure it wasn't just gas.) The masseuse was rubbing my back and I felt three little thuds, resembling "Knock. It. Off." Apparently little one is not a fan of massage.

Too bad I am, and I'm going to keep going to see him! These tension headaches are NO joke and I must do everything in my power to stop them before they get ugly. Between massages and the chiropractor, I'll make it.

It's amazing what no longer matters when you feel your baby kick for the first time-it doesn't matter that you told your husband not to flush the toilet until you get home with a plunger, and he doesn't listen so it overflows and makes a huge mess. And it doesn't matter that the dog peed on the floor while you were standing right next to him. And it doesn't even matter that you've been sick for 8 days anymore.

AND when I was driving home, I heard Garth Brooks' new song, "Mom", and obviously started bawling. Duh.

I'm on top of the world tonight.

That won't stop me from complaining about being sick now. After all, what do my readers come for except to read my complaints?

I was at work the other day, day 7 or so of being sick but steadily feeling worse. Throughout the day I started sneezing, coughing, and sounding all the more plugged up. I was supposed to work the following day but I ended up calling in. Why would I go into work sick, around sick people? Does that help anyone?

No. So I stayed home. And thank goodness I did, because I was so weak, and tired, that I nearly passed out. I coughed so long and hard that Chris had to sleep in the other room. I think I was out of bed for a total of 5 hours the entire day.

Do you know how bad it sucks to be pregnant and sick?

You constantly live on the edge of a dangerous cliff named "Will THIS make me pee my pants"?!

Every cough, every sneeze.

Don't worry, only SOME did.

Not to mention the fact that I am overly emotional anyway, I sat down on the couch by Chris last night and when I started coughing, he jokingly looked at me like he was grossed-out. I, of course, took this to heart and started bawling and through tears whined, "I'm so DISGUSTING!"

You know, your typical, emotional,dramatic, pregnant, overreaction. I've had a few of these, I'll admit.

Here's some pregnancy advice for you! If you're going to get pregnant, make sure you do it so that when you're busting out of your old bras, it just happens to be the Victoria's Secret semi-annual sale. Definitely try not to be too awkward when you're asking the fitting room girl if other pregnant ladies' boobs keep growing. Or shrink. Or whatever.

UM, she said that women can fluctuate a whole cup size in a day?! How do I not think of these things/know these things already?!

I have now classified my life into time periods.
A-Cup Era: High School
B-Cup Era: College
C-Cup Era: Pregnant

Excuse me while I revel in my ample bosom. It's like puberty all over again!

Now, a public plea for two things:

First, my friend Ashley's dog tore his rear ACLs and needs surgery. She is just out of school with lots of bills, and I know she needs help with the surgery. She has a gofundme page:
http://www.gofundme.com/jlxghw

Second, my sis-in-law's boyfriend sliced his hand open around Christmas with a saw. He is a self-employed carpenter and should he even be able to return to the work he was doing, he still has numerous medical bills now. Any help here would also be appreciated:
http://www.gofundme.com/jtqsjw

As always, thank you for reading!